The Funeral service is confirmed and will be held on Wednesday 8th
February 2pm
at:
St Mary : Peldon Road, Great Parndon, Harlow, Essex, CM19 4HT
Everyone is welcome to meet with the family afterwards for
drinks/refreshment at:
The Link Harlow, Parsloe Road, Harlow, Essex, CM19 4RT.
After a great deal of discussion we think Dad would like Donations to "Help The Hero's"
Thank you for your help in sending some pictures, we have picked a couple for the order of service.
Regards
Angela
Tuesday 31 January 2012
Exercise "Storm King" 1964
Who Remembers, I think this is the exercise when the RAF jet crashed just behind us when we were re-fueling? Click on this link to Pathe News.
http://www.britishpathe.com/video/exercise-storm-king-on-salisbury-plain/query/exercise+storm+king
Pixie191
http://www.britishpathe.com/video/exercise-storm-king-on-salisbury-plain/query/exercise+storm+king
Pixie191
SUGGESTIONS
Angela, Pat and Family would like to know if any member can come up with a charity that the collection for Derek's funeral be donated to, the family have come up with Help for Hero's but would like to know if there is any other worthwhile causes that members can come up with, Angela and the family can come on site and see for themselves and then decide which one they will donate to and then let us all know.
John Atkins
John Atkins
MIND GAME
2% or 98%
This is strange....can you figure it out?
Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?
Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!
Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
There's no trick or surprise.
Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.
Amazing, I ended up with the answer they gave!
Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).
Think of a number from 1 to 10
Multiply that number by 9
If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together
This is strange....can you figure it out?
Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?
Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!
Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
There's no trick or surprise.
Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.
Amazing, I ended up with the answer they gave!
Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).
Think of a number from 1 to 10
Multiply that number by 9
If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together
Now subtract 5
Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with
(example: 1=a, 2=B, 3=c,etc.)
Think of a country that starts with that letter
Remember the last letter of the name of that country
Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter
Remember the last letter in the name of that animal
Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter
Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?
I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among t he 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise. Keep this message going. This one is actually worth sending on to others.. Forward it to people you know so they can find out if they are usual or unusual.
Monday 30 January 2012
Birthday Present
My neighbours, the two cute, young, lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised, when they gave me a Timex!
It was very nice of them, but I'm pretty sure that they misunderstood, when I said:
"I just wanna watch!"
Irish coffee
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor?
'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee, he won't even taste it.. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'
A week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid!... Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? .......What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'
'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in 'McDonalds' again!
When Insults Had Class
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
Model Shop
A man phones an Airfix model shop and asks, "Do you have a model of an Italian cruise liner?"The shop owner replies, "Yes, we have just one left"The man says "Can you put it on one side for me?"HEALTH MESSAGE
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a damn. It's the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
I'm a senior. Go around me!
Sunday 29 January 2012
BIRTHDAY GREETINGS
Many happy returns of the day to Terry Sussex tomorrow the 30th Jan, hoping that you have a good one, and heres to many more.
Best wishes
John Atkins
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People--
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is £9.50 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Chris tmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is £9.50 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Chris tmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it
Laws of Probability
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
If you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.
Really.... It's true!
Microsoft engineer
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said,
'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'
Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green,
And I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call centre.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
SIMPLE TRUTH
SIMPLE TRUTH #1
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH #2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say
“congrats”.
But, none of them come and touch the man’s penis and say “Good job”.
Moral of the story:
“Hard work is never appreciated”
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH #2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say
“congrats”.
But, none of them come and touch the man’s penis and say “Good job”.
Moral of the story:
“Hard work is never appreciated”
Simple Truth #3
No Underwear – Makes Sense to Me
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather
sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on
from the waist down.
‘Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for
everyone to see! ‘ he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
‘Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the
waist?’ he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, ‘Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on and got a stiff neck.
This is your grandma’s idea.’
Devils!!
Here we are Don the real thing, my bite's not as bad as them !We found there are few and far between left on the Island.
Alzheimer's Test
If you are over 43 yrs old, you MUST take this Alzheimer's Test
| |
Saturday 28 January 2012
Just saying goodbye ......... leaving town!!
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Healthcare costs.
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.
I started to cry when I thought of you.
Then it dawned on me ... oh, crap...
I'll see you on the bus!
MAGIC MOMENTS
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.
Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....
Claude was thinking: 'If I'd known she was still a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'
Maude was thinking: 'If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken my tights off '
PICS TAKEN & LEFT IN A BROWNIE CAMERA (December 7, 1941)...
Isn't it amazing how a film could last so long in a camera without disintegrating?
Fantastic photos taken 68 years ago. Some of you will have to go to a museum to see what a Brownie camera looked like.
Here is a simple picture of what we are talking about. .. .
These photos are absolutely incredible........Read below the first picture and at the end...
PHOTOS STORED IN AN OLD BROWNIE CAMERA
These photos are very interesting; what quality from 1941.
Pearl Harbour photos found in an old Brownie stored in a foot locker. and just recently
taken in to be developed.
THESE PHOTOS ARE FROM A SAILOR WHO WAS ON THE USS QUAPAW ATF-11O.
"SPECTACULAR!" What devastation!
PEARL HARBOUR
December 7th, 1941
Friday 27 January 2012
My Dream about to come true.
Just added 4 more pic's to the Ferret collection. Plans are on track, when you see the interior you'll agree UEE condition.
Thursday 26 January 2012
Recce Troop
The first 2 pics in the Mud Me & Pete Plums Ferret. 3rd pic me & Barry Harman. 3rd pic Me ,Dave Gray, Chris Sharkey Denmark visit.
Use Your Brain
I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers, F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng?
Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
I have been asked to put this poem on the BB by Jim and Ilse in Australia in memory of Derek
He was getting old and paunchy
And his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the bar,
Telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he once fought in
And the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies;
They were heroes, every one.
And 'tho sometimes to his neighbors
His tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly
For they knew of where he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer,
For ol' Bob has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer
For a Serviceman died today.
He won't be mourned by many,
Just his children and his wife..
For he lived an ordinary,
Very quiet sort of life.
He held a job and raised a family,
Going quietly on his way;
And the world won't note his passing,
‘Tho a Serviceman died today.
When politicians leave this earth,
Their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing,
And proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell of their life stories
From the time that they were young
But the passing of a Serviceman
Goes unnoticed, and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution
To the welfare of our land,
Some jerk who breaks his promise
And cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow
Who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his country
And offers up his life?
The politician's stipend
And the style in which he lives,
Are often disproportionate,
To the service that he gives.
While the ordinary Serviceman,
Who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal
And perhaps a pension, small.
It's so easy to forget them,
For it is so many times
That our Bobs and Jims and Johnnys,
Went to battle, but we know,
It is not the politicians
With their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom
That our country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger,
With your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some cop-out,
With his ever waffling stand?
Or would you want a Serviceman
His home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Serviceman,
Who would fight until the end.
He was just a common Serviceman,
And his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us
We may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict,
We find the Serviceman's part
Is to clean up all the troubles
That the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor
While he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage
At the ending of his days..
Perhaps just a simple headline
In the paper that might say:
"OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING,
A SERVICEMAN DIED TODAY."
Pass On The Patriotism!
YOU can make a difference
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life,
wrote a blank cheque made payable to 'Australia', 'New Zealand', 'Canada', 'Great Britian', 'The United States' or any other God fearing country for an amount
"up to and including my life".
That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this WORLD who no longer understand it.
And his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the bar,
Telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he once fought in
And the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies;
They were heroes, every one.
And 'tho sometimes to his neighbors
His tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly
For they knew of where he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer,
For ol' Bob has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer
For a Serviceman died today.
He won't be mourned by many,
Just his children and his wife..
For he lived an ordinary,
Very quiet sort of life.
He held a job and raised a family,
Going quietly on his way;
And the world won't note his passing,
‘Tho a Serviceman died today.
When politicians leave this earth,
Their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing,
And proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell of their life stories
From the time that they were young
But the passing of a Serviceman
Goes unnoticed, and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution
To the welfare of our land,
Some jerk who breaks his promise
And cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow
Who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his country
And offers up his life?
The politician's stipend
And the style in which he lives,
Are often disproportionate,
To the service that he gives.
While the ordinary Serviceman,
Who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal
And perhaps a pension, small.
It's so easy to forget them,
For it is so many times
That our Bobs and Jims and Johnnys,
Went to battle, but we know,
It is not the politicians
With their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom
That our country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger,
With your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some cop-out,
With his ever waffling stand?
Or would you want a Serviceman
His home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Serviceman,
Who would fight until the end.
He was just a common Serviceman,
And his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us
We may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict,
We find the Serviceman's part
Is to clean up all the troubles
That the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor
While he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage
At the ending of his days..
Perhaps just a simple headline
In the paper that might say:
"OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING,
A SERVICEMAN DIED TODAY."
Pass On The Patriotism!
YOU can make a difference
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life,
wrote a blank cheque made payable to 'Australia', 'New Zealand', 'Canada', 'Great Britian', 'The United States' or any other God fearing country for an amount
"up to and including my life".
That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this WORLD who no longer understand it.
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Derek Leese
I must sadly report that 21124307 WO2 (SCM) Derek Leese (81) who served in the 1st Royal Dragoons between 1947 until amalgamation and finished his service with the Blues and Royals in 1970 passed away at home on the evening of Wednesday 25 th January 2012,
Condolences go to his widow Pat and Family at this sad time.
Funeral arrangements will be given in due course.
THE ROYAL DRAGOONS REGIMENTAL COLLECT
O God, in whose sight all creatures are manifest and to whose eyes all things are open,
grant that the works Thou requirest of the 1st The Royal Dragoons may never be done to be seen of men,
but always for Thy Glory, and that, waiting on Thee to renew our strength, we mount up with wings as eagles at Thy word,
through Jesus Christ Our Lord.
(TOBIAS,1930)
John Atkins
Condolences go to his widow Pat and Family at this sad time.
Funeral arrangements will be given in due course.
THE ROYAL DRAGOONS REGIMENTAL COLLECT
O God, in whose sight all creatures are manifest and to whose eyes all things are open,
grant that the works Thou requirest of the 1st The Royal Dragoons may never be done to be seen of men,
but always for Thy Glory, and that, waiting on Thee to renew our strength, we mount up with wings as eagles at Thy word,
through Jesus Christ Our Lord.
(TOBIAS,1930)
John Atkins
John Harvey
A notice was put on John Harveys site by his family to say that he has passed away, I do not have any more information at this time, I have Emailed a member of the Family to give me more details, when they come back to me I will put it up on the site. His log in name was (brownbomber1)
John Atkins
John Atkins
Norfolk Tank Museum
I see they have a Saladin in good nick at the Norfolk Tank Museum at : http://www.turretsandtracks.co.uk/?p=home
Also of interest here: http://www.muckleburgh.co.uk/the-collection.htm
and if you're in Norfolk why not visit The Desert Rat Memorial in Thetford Forest:
http://www.desertrats.memorialassoc.btinternet.co.uk/
Also of interest here: http://www.muckleburgh.co.uk/the-collection.htm
and if you're in Norfolk why not visit The Desert Rat Memorial in Thetford Forest:
http://www.desertrats.memorialassoc.btinternet.co.uk/
Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . . ..
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Still Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a Bad Day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
What? STILL having a Bad Day?
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits. God is good!
There now, Feeling Better?
Mathematics:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F,
G, H, I, J, K."
She asks ... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly
optimistic about saving his testicles.
He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F,
G, H, I, J, K."
She asks ... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly
optimistic about saving his testicles.
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own friggin' business.
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice..
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just friggin' beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
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