Happy New year

May I wish everyone a Very Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year,

John Atkins

Sad but true, we've become a nation of fear mongers.

 

As we progress through to the end of 2011, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a pub because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, and by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

 

 

 HAPPY NEW YEAR

SPEEDING TICKET

Happy Christmas

To you and your families, Wishing you A Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year

immigration_song.wmv

Christmas wishes

 

Brian Hill

Just to inform you that Denis and I had a call on Skype tonight to tell us that Brian was taken into hospital today, as he had a stroke this morning, and he is being kept in over night, and we should know more tomorrow.

John Atkins

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

We have two members that have a birthday on the 20th, Many Happy returns of the day goes to Barbara Aitchison and John Cogan, all best wishes to you both, hoping you have a good day.

No doubt that Jim will take you out for a slap up meal Barbara ????

 John Atkins

Wedding.wmv

No more headaches

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?"
The husband asks, ''What happened?"

His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat "I do not Have a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.."

 

It Worked! The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back.."

He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, Comes back and round two was even better than The First time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom, She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife..."

His funeral service will be held on Friday.

Prostate Examination

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test by the National Health Service, a guy decided to have this next test carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly much gentler and accommodating.

As he lay naked on his side on the table and the nurse began the examination. "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection." said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection," said the man.

"No, but I have," replied the nurse.

Moral: Don't have this procedure Done in San Francisco!

Diesel Fitter

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation,

Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto
ladies' knickers and thongs..'

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick
£160 a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious.. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.


The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.'

'What skill?' yelled Paddy. 'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: 'Yep, diesel fitter.'



GO ON,
ADMIT IT.... YOU ARE SMILING.......

The_miracle_of_plastic_surgery.wmv

Old

'ASYLUM'.

Good Evening and welcome to a brand new edition of

'ASYLUM'.

Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:
HIJACK AN AIRLINER
and win
A COUNCIL HOUSE !

We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor,

The British Taxpayer.
And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.

Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British Passport, and you only need one word of English:
'ASYLUM'

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging, burgling and
accosting drivers at traffic lights.
This competition is open to everyone
buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.

No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable.

All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password:
'ASYLUM'

A few years ago, 140 members of a Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury
£200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel.

They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain .......
Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area, in Historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget, there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience

Just apply for legal aid.
Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help - FREE
It won't cost you a penny.
It could change your life forever.
So play today.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet
activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil Tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...the list is endless

EVERYONE IS WELCOME - INCLUDING ALL YOUR OWN WIVES AND CHILDREN AND MUM AND DAD
COME ON DOWN !

Get along to the airport !
Get along to the lorry park !
Get along to the ferry terminal !
Don't stop in Germany or France !

All European countries will willingly speed you on your way !
Come straight to Britain
And you are:
**** GUARANTEED ****
to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the easiest game on earth.

Everyone's a winner, when they play
'ASYLUM'

The Ballerina

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland .  She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?"  The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.
 
But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down.  She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit and asked,  "What man here will buy a lady another drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!" The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

 

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day tomorrow the 16th to Sonny Freeman, heres hoping that you have a good day, will raise a glass or two for you.

With all best wishes,

John Atkins

MERRY CRISTMAS & a HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone from Brian & Seija Hill.

IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:
'7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me................. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman says:

'Turner Brown'?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"!

Guards

Just a trip down memory lane for those passing through Pirbright.
John Matthews and myself were there in 1968/69 Training Wing.
There are 5 clips on You tube, well worth watching.

Men of the world (1950 British Army Film)

Its great to look back! My thoughts was it really like this?

Training

Oh , to be young again 1

BLUE BIRD

BLUE BIRD

OF HAPPINESS,

MY ARSE!

Do I look happy??

It's Friggin' Freezing.

There's snow up my arse, all the food's covered with 3 feet of this white shit, and you want ME to sing?

What??

Piss Off!!

Next year, I'm flyin' to Jamaica and smoking dope!!

Welcome to Peter Watts

Welcome to the BB Peter, ID 7elfoxcote, Peter was in the band in 1968/9 time, look forward to hearing more from Peter, Paul Graver has got another bandman to keep him company on the BB now.

 John Atkins

 

 

A few smilies

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line, I nearly shit her pants!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ten Catholic priests are killed in a car accident and arrive at the pearly gates. St Peter says "Ok, if any of you are paedophiles, go to hell." Nine of them start walking away. St Peter says "Aye, and take the deaf sod with you!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A beer company in Belgium has made a new lager exclusively for women, it's called....'Fellas Artwats.'

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I was sitting at traffic lights yesterday, and a mini bus full of paki's pulled up next to me. Suddenly an 18 wheeler ploughed right into them wiping them all out.

"Wow, that could have been me." I thought... so the following day I went and enrolled on an HGV course.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My new girlfriend said I have to wait six months before she'll suck my cock. I told her I totally understand and respect her decision and I'll give her a call then.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I thought I heard my next door neighbour's shagging last night, there was lots of moaning and banging on the floor and wall, it turns out her elderly mother had fallen in the bedroom and was trying to attract my attention with her stick. I feel really guilty about that wank now!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On holiday in Thailand , I had a close call and almost ended up shagging a ladyboy. She looked like a woman, and spoke like a woman, and I didn't suspect a thing.

But then I realised something was wrong when she drove us safely back to the hotel and parked the car in one manoeuvre.

It's Hell to be Old

It's Hell to be Old

   
OLD people have problems that you haven't
even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his
Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical
exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take
this jar home and bring back a semen sample
tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the
previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man
explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked!

'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied,

'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

The Tired Night Nurse

 

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted clerk and without missing a beat, she says:

'Well, that's great....that's just great..........some asshole's got my pen!'

Evening Everyone ! As it had been a while I thought I would say Hello and wish you all a Merry Xmas, I have recently been to the Military Tattoo in Birmingham and had a wonderful evening, bringing back many memories and the occasional tear to my eye ! All the best , regards George .

Comments of Bill Cosby (Commedian)

"I'm 74 and Tired" Worth reading.....

This should be required reading for every man, woman and child in Jamaica,

the UK , United States of America, Canada, Australia and New Zealand and

to all the world...

"I'm 74 and I'm Tired"

I'm 74 Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National

Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some some serious

health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly

40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my

income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as

though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who

don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take

the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy

to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I

can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and

daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight

offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't

"believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning

teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the

genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and

Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let

Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques

and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand,

UK, America and Canada, while no one from these countries are allowed to

fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other

Arab country to teach love and tolerance..

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global

warming, which no one is allowed to debate.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help

support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ

rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses

or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all

parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful

mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting

caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and

actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination

or big-whatever for their problems.

I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and

early 20's be-deck them selves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making

themselves un-employable and claiming money from the Government.

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 74.. Because, mostly, I'm not

going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for

my granddaughter and her children. Thank God I'm on the way out and not

on the way in.

There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us

sends it on!

Welcome to John Brown

Welcome John to the Bulletin Board, ID johnbrown2, john was in the Royals from 1967 to 1969 and then moved to the Blues and Royals from 69 to 79 as a driver/signaller/gunner.

John Atkins

Welcome to John Dennahy

Welcome to the BB to John Dennahy, john was on earlier on site but some how was erased, but now I have got him reinstated.

 John Atkins

 

 

Big Time Road Rage

These photos are from Thursday, Feb. 17 by someone from Centurion in Pilanesberg game reserve, South Africa ..
The guy in the white Volkswagen was trying to get past the elephant.

 

 

 

 

 

Road Rage Effects Us All At Sometime !!!

 

Black Panties

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.
Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit.
They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont ..
Their first night there, she undressed as he did
There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning."

He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom ..

She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"

He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences"

Mildly Offensive Jokes

A pretty young gypsy girl knocked on my door and asked if I had any old clothing. I said Yes but what would I get in return. She said I could play with her breasts.

I thought…That’s Fair….Tit for Tat.

-----------------------------------------------

I’m in trouble with the wife. We were in bed naked and she asked what I would like to do most with her body.

Apparently “Identify it” wasn’t the right answer.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Why men shouldn’t be Agony aunts.

Dear Phil
I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car
stalled and wouldn’t start.
I walked back to my house and found my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter.
They announced that the affair had been going on for two years.
Can you help me…I’m desperate.

Dear Reader
The most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel lines. Hope this helps.
Phil.

---------------------------------------

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough….once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought…Sod it….soldier on.

---------------------------------------------------


Just said to the missus…”Hey fat gut..what do you want for Valentines Day”
She said “Don’t get bloody lippy”
I said “Mascara it is then!”


--------------------------------------------------

I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!.

I panicked. I didn’t know what to do…………………Then I remembered Wetherspoons serve breakfast until 11.30.

-------------------------------------------

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Brazilian, a Canadian, an Argentinian, a Korean and a Swiss man walked into a pub. The bouncer says “Sorry.. I can’t let you in without a Thai”.

----------------------------------

Man shagging 30 stone woman. He says “Can we have the light switched off?” She said “Why? Do you find me repulsive?”

He said “ No….it’s burning my @rse”.

--------------------------------------------------------------

You won’t hear from me for a while mate. Being investigated for
stealing swimming pool inflatables……..I gotta lilo.

----------------------------------------------------------------

News just in….There’s a female ref for the United v City match. The kick off has been put back an hour so she can park her car.

-----------------------------------------------

Paddy got a letter in the post this morning. It landed on the floor, says on the envelope DO NO BEND. He’s still wondering how to pick it
up!
-----------------------------------------------------

To all the women: keep strong...

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president's secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.
Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, why was he so interested in talking to you. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, "so if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant", to which Michelle responded, "no, if I had married him, he would now be the President".

The Postman Cometh

One Monday morning the postman walked through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.

As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

"Wow, David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," the Postman commented.

David, in obvious pain, replied, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'WHO AM I?'."

The Postman thinks a moment and said, "How do you play 'WHO AM I?' ?"

" Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.."

The postman laughed and said, "Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it."

"Probably a good thing you did," David responded.

"Your name came up 7 times."

The Glasgow Tesco Greeter.

  
A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tatooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into TESCO in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow 's south side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
TESCO greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to TESCO. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F**k naw, they're no twins. The oldest one's nine, and the other one's six. Why the f**k would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupit ?'
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter.
I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.

Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at TESCO.'

Bring back any memories?

Bring back any memories?

Someone asked me the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called "home", I explained.
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, car, or wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.

My parents never drove me to school ( no car ). I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 pm. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people...

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line...

Pizzas were not delivered to our home.. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --My brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week. He had to get up at6AM every morning. (Not true, I took over my bro's PR in 1957...)

Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend:

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it... I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard..
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.
>
Older Than Dirt Quiz:

Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.

1. Sweet cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lineson the telephone
5.. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.. (There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records
9. 45/78 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with levers
12. Blue camera flashbulbs
13. Cork popguns
14.. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient!

I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends....I just did!!!!!!!!!

(PS. I used a large type face so you could read it easily)

Bermondsey Breekie !

Don, Lucy says, Don i would love to serve you breekie at the Manor

Derek Leese

Derek has not been on for the last few days, I have phoned Pat and she tells me that he is not too well at the moment, I knew that he was having trouble with his stomach and he has been to have tests, he had to have a camera down his throat and they did a biopsy as they found a small lump, let us hope that he will be feeling better soon.

John Atkins

I will never see Monopoly the same again!!!

Subject: A really interesting piece of history...

In 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape.

Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.

Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and

should they get wet, they turn into mush.

Someone in MI-5 (Britains' security service) got the idea of printing escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.

At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was only too happy to do its bit for the war effort.

By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U.K. Licensee for the popular American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, 'games and pastimes' was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages' dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.

Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were regional system). When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit

inside a Monopoly playing piece.

As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at Waddington's also managed to add:

1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass

2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together

3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!

British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set -- by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.

Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.

The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honored in a public ceremony.

It's always nice when you can play that 'Get Out of Jail' Free' card!