The Glasgow Tesco Greeter.

  
A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tatooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into TESCO in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow 's south side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
TESCO greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to TESCO. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F**k naw, they're no twins. The oldest one's nine, and the other one's six. Why the f**k would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupit ?'
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter.
I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.

Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at TESCO.'