A few smilies

 

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My next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line, I nearly shit her pants!

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Ten Catholic priests are killed in a car accident and arrive at the pearly gates. St Peter says "Ok, if any of you are paedophiles, go to hell." Nine of them start walking away. St Peter says "Aye, and take the deaf sod with you!"

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A beer company in Belgium has made a new lager exclusively for women, it's called....'Fellas Artwats.'

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I was sitting at traffic lights yesterday, and a mini bus full of paki's pulled up next to me. Suddenly an 18 wheeler ploughed right into them wiping them all out.

"Wow, that could have been me." I thought... so the following day I went and enrolled on an HGV course.

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My new girlfriend said I have to wait six months before she'll suck my cock. I told her I totally understand and respect her decision and I'll give her a call then.

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I thought I heard my next door neighbour's shagging last night, there was lots of moaning and banging on the floor and wall, it turns out her elderly mother had fallen in the bedroom and was trying to attract my attention with her stick. I feel really guilty about that wank now!

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On holiday in Thailand , I had a close call and almost ended up shagging a ladyboy. She looked like a woman, and spoke like a woman, and I didn't suspect a thing.

But then I realised something was wrong when she drove us safely back to the hotel and parked the car in one manoeuvre.