This is the final list of members for the reunion

J ATKINS MARGARET
D SOWERBY JEAN
T WORT IRENE

T LYONS LIN
K MOTT WIFE
T WRIGHT BERYL
B ALLEN ROSE
C CARD FRIEDA
M BEST
J AITCHISON BARBARA
A GILLARD
D SMITH SUE
T SMITH WIFE
D BEST JOAN
F COLLINGWOOD
P PLUMB WIFE
G BLAXLAND MARGARET
J KELLY WIFE
J BROOKER June
J COOPER ROSALEEN
J HILL
B JONES
B HILL SEIJA
P HAYWARD
R FROST
P RYAN WIFE
N DOYLE
M BENSON
M DECARTERET
T BRIDGEN friend

The Kaiser

Just thought a real Royal Dragoon should be in charge lol.

old friend

Good news On and off for the last few years I have been trying to trace an old friend (Dave Howell) been travelling and contacting people throughout Kent and Milton Keynes. Been told he had passed away. Last monday I had a phone call from Dave who lives only 10 miles from me and has lived there for 30 years. We have met up for a beer a couple of times, and as I am back from hot climes for at least 6 weeks we are both planning to go to the reunion. I hope we see most of you there. 

Subject: Fw: IRISH LOVE STORY

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, For there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy Man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled Posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon................
“F**k off" she said, "they're for the funeral."

Camping with Lone Ranger & Tonto

 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their Tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what do you see? "

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."




"What did that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

"What's it tell you, Tonto?"





"You are dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent."

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day to Keith Shaw tomorrow the 27th May, hoping that you have a good one and also many more to come.

With best wishes,

 John Atkins

elderly golfer

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

ACIDENTE-FOIFECHADONOCRUZAMENTO.mpg

If there is anything called bad luck, this is it.......

Ted Alyles

I hear that our ols A/Sqn Comrade Ted is in hospital,will find out more and and keep you posted.

Seijas Birthday.

Would just like to take the chance to wish my lovely wife Seija a Happy birthday for May 23rd .Put it on the B.B now because we are away on Monday to the lakes for a days.Happy Birthday Seija from Brian. xxx. 

Can anyone out there remember the name of the SSM who took over "A" sqadron when SSM Danny Bradley left the Royals to join (I think) The London Yeomanry.

Can anyone out there remember the name of the SSM who took over "A" sqadron when SSM Danny Bradley left the Royals to join (I think) The London Yeomanry.

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day to Paul Graver, hoping that you have a good day and here's to many more,

 With best wishes,

 John Atkins

 

 

Jim Bosio,

The Glasgow Tesco Greeter.

A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into TESCO in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow 's south side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
TESCO greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to TESCO. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F**k naw, they're no twins. The oldest one's nine, and the other one's six. Why the f**k would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupit ?'
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter.
I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.

Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at TESCO.'

Building permission

I just applied for a building permit for a new house.
 
It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 turrets at
 various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside
 entertainment sound system.
 
It would have parking for 200 old cars and I was going to paint it
 snot green with tatty pink trim.
 
The City Council told me to f*** off. 
 
So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a
 Mosque. 
 
 

 
Work starts on Monday...

2012 DARWIN AWARDS

You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado, here are the 2012Darwin Awards.

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally
jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and
had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath
5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out
but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour
to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Tyrone Orlando, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Snoop Dogg Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door,
a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store.
The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at
the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up
and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew
their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.
The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in spite

Of the fact that 24 shots missed their target.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M.
So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen.
Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic.
The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then
tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS ....

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of
animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground
where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of
dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...
'Shit happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

You have to love the Irish

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' The man said, 'I do, Father.' The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.' Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' 'Certainly, Father,' the man replied. 'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.' The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?' O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

Paddy was in New York . He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. 'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!' 'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?' 'Just water,' says the priest. The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?' The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?' 'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.' 'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.. In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?' Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?' 'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly! From one unstable person to another...

I hope everyone in your head is happy - we're all doing pretty good in mine!

With age comes wisdom.....

All the guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."

With age comes wisdom.

Sad but true, we've become a nation of fear mongers.

 

As we progress through to the end of 2011, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, and by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

Dyson Vac machine

Plenty of such on this

Attachment: Dyson_Vac.wmv

A poem for computer buffs.

The computer swallowed grandpa.
Yes, honestly its true!
He pressed 'control and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured him completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
he must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandpa you should see,
Please 'Copy, Scan' and 'Paste' him
And send him back to me.






This is a tribute to all the Grandmas and Grandpas who have been fearless and . ....

learned to use the Computer.... .

They are the greatest.



We do not stop playing because we grow old;
We grow old because we stop playing .  

Strike Action due to shortage of Virgins

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.

 

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be reduced in January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.

 

General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."

A Bottle of Merlot

I asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking me, then decided to send a reply to me by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to me.

 

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants.....

 

After reading the note, I decided to compose one of my own in return. I folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

 

It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back.

Tax Evasion

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an Inspector to audit
the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to
the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do
with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back
to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box
of candles."
“Oh," replied the Auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these bread -wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the Inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send
them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a
free box of bread wafers."
"I see," replied the Auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know - it -all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover
foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save
all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a
year they send us a complete prick."

Quand_c'est_pas_l'heure_2.wmv

Quand_c'est_pas_l'heure_4.wmv

Quand_c'est_pas_l'heure_1.wmv

The Boss in Singapore.

Tony with Tex Rainger .R.I.P To Both of them.

Hope two old friends met up again in a better place.

Tony Mustoe (R.I.P)

Tonys's Sister Sylvia , Finerly getting Tonys Arabian Medal.

Mt Tamborine

One for Jenny !! The top Liquor Maker in OZ, with a world wise reputation as one of the best "And He's a Pom as Well "

Cavalry Sunday .

Taken some years ago !!!

What_a_shot.wmv

We all thought we were good with the side arms that we were issued with, Stirlings, SLR's and the old Smith and Wesson revolver, but this takes some beating !!!

Blond Pilot

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your current height and your position." She says, "I'm 5'4 and I'm in the front seat." "O.K." says the voice on the radio...."Repeat after me: ....Our Father....who art in heaven...."

A Man's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house --.
Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.
You have your old work clothes on.
You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.
Check yourself in the mirror and flex.
Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair.
Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.
Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.
Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.
Change shoes because you don't want to get dog crap in your new sports car.
Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.
Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's.
You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too.
Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes.
The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are hanging out the hole in your crotch.

In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot.
Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for.
Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name.
You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden?
Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?
Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

HELL

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart-attack and dies. 
 He immediately goes to hell,  where  the devil is waiting for him.

 
      "I don't know what to do here,"  says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
 
George thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
 
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
 
"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all
day long."
 
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
 In it was Al Gore with a sledge- hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.
 
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.
 
The devil opened a third door. Through it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
 
George looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
 
The devil smiled and said...........

 

 

 
   "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

 

Milk and eggs

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

(I'm sure you're going back to read this again!)

Wrong email address

A   Scottish couple decided to go to  Spain to thaw out  during a particularly icy winter. They planned  to stay at the same hotel where they spent their  honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because  of hectic schedules, it was difficult to  coordinate their travel schedules. So, the  husband left Glasgow and  flew to  Barcelona on Thursday, with his  wife flying down the following day. The husband  checked into the hotel.. There was a computer in  his room, so he decided to send an email to his  wife. However, he accidentally left out one  letter in her email address, and without  realizing his error, sent the email. 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a  widow had just returned home from her husband's  funeral. He was a minister who died following a  heart attack.

The widow decided to check  her email expecting messages from relatives and  friends. After reading the first message, she  screamed and fainted.

The widow's son  rushed into the room, found his mother on the  floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've  Arrived
Date: October 16, 2008

I know  you're surprised to hear from me. They have  computers here now and you are allowed to send  emails to your loved ones..

I've just  arrived and have been checked in. I see that 
Everything has been prepared for your  arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to  seeing you then! Hope your journey is as  uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Bloody hot  down  here!

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day to Don Remfrey tomorrow the 11th May, wishing you all the best,hoping you have a good one and the CO allows  you one or two drams.

 John Atkins

 

 

The passing of Lcpl Ernie Johnston

LCpl Ernie Johnston who served with The 1st Royal Dragoons (dates unknown but it is believed he was serving in 1966) died on 4 May 2012.

A Funeral Service will be held on Friday, 18 May 2012 at 1045hrs at Thanet Crematorium, Manston Road, Margate, Kent CT9 4LY. Family flowers only.

Donations, if desired to the Pilgrims Hospice. Any colleagues or members of the Association would be welcome to attend the Funeral Service.



The condolences of the Blues and Royals Association go to his family and friends at this sad time.



THE ROYAL DRAGOONS REGIMENTAL COLLECT

O God, in whose sight all creatures are manifest and to whose eyes all things are open, grant that the works Thou requirest of the 1st The Royal Dragoons may never be done to be seen of men, but always for Thy Glory, and that, waiting on Thee to renew our strength, we mount up with wings as eagles at Thy word, through Jesus Christ Our Lord.

(TOBIAS,1930)

Subject: Laws of Probability

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Bio-mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

What Pension Worries?

 

Worried your pension will run short? So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you - what do you do?

Senior Health Care Solution



Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.


You are allowed to shoot 2 MPs and 2 illegal immigrants!


Of course,

this means you will be sent to prison

where you will get 3 meals a day,

a roof over your head, central heating,

air conditioning and all the health care you need!

New teeth? - No problem.

Need glasses? - Great.

New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart?

All covered.


(And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).



And who will be paying for all of this?

The same government that just told you

that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.



Plus, because you are a prisoner,

you don't have to pay income tax any more.




IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?

No wonder the rest of the world’s population can’t get here fast enough!

European currency

In light of the latest problems facing the European currency,
e.g. Ireland and Portugal having had a bailout
Greece facing collapse and needing another bailout,
a Belgian bank collapsing
and now Italy teetering on the brink
and possibly tipping Austria over the edge...
Should the UK adopt the Euro?

A cross-section survey of 10,000 people in Blackburn, made up of
a representative sample of local citizens consisting of
Afghans, Albanians, Pakistanis, Indians, Poles, Iraqis, Somalis,
Bosnians, Turks, Moldavians, Latvians, Lithuanians, Bangladeshis,
Ethiopians, Russians, Congolese and Zimbabweans were asked if they
thought Britain should change its currency and adopt the Euro.
99.9% said no, they were happy with the Giro

For your amusement

Paddy says: "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Sod that"

says Mick: "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. they said they regretted to

inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

A wife says to her husband: "You’re always pushing me around and

talking behind my back".

He says: "What do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair".

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering

years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake.

I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you".

She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?"

I replied: "It's me talking to the beer".

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing

but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw

20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out.

I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis

tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for

the show......

　

I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my

house. I think he's lost his rag.

　

　

　

　

went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with

2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered

again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!!

went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I

was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a

coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I

thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was

refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for

the channel said.....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not

understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi

Do.'

I start a new job in Seoul next week... I thought it was a good Korea move.

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day to Clal Card tomorrow the 10th May, wishing you all the best and hope that you have many more to come.

John Atkins

The Doggies Meeting.

The doggies held a meeting,
Some came by motorcycle,
And came by car.
Each doggie passed the doorway,
Each doggie signed the book.
Each one unshipped his arsehole ,
And hung it on a hook.

One dog was not invited,
It sorely raised his ire,
He ran into the meeting hall,
And loudly shouted "FIRE",
It threw them into confusion,
And without a second look,
Each grabbed anothers arsehole,
From off anothers hook.

And thats the reason why sir,
When walking down the street,
When doggies chance to meet,
On land or abroad or home,
They`ll sniff each others backside,
TO SEE IF IT IS THEIR OWN!!!!!!!!!!,
ANONYMOUS

Service sheet of Reg Browns funeral

Blondes

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and, one night, he's doing a show
in a small town.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde
jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts
shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you
think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's
hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who
keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community,
and from reaching our full potential as people. You and your kind continue
to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in
general...pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,

"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!"

Last And First

three of the last A.C.C lads withe the Royals also Three of the First Blues& Royals chefs.

reunion

Is there anyone that needs a room at the Premier Inn who would like to join us for the reunion, please let me know ASP so that I can get it booked, (First come First served)

John Atkins

Only the British will understand this . . .

The Americans have asked if they can use the Queen on their new 25 dollar note.

The UK have said OK, as long as we can put their president back on our jam jars.