2012 DARWIN AWARDS

You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado, here are the 2012Darwin Awards.

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally
jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and
had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath
5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out
but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour
to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Tyrone Orlando, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Snoop Dogg Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door,
a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store.
The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at
the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up
and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew
their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.
The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in spite

Of the fact that 24 shots missed their target.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M.
So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen.
Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic.
The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then
tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS ....

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of
animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground
where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of
dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...
'Shit happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.