It's hell to be old

OLD people have problems that you haven't 
even considered yet!

      
An 85-year-old man was requested by his  
Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical 
exam. 

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take 
this jar home and bring back a semen sample 
  tomorrow.'  

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared 
  at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, 
  which was as clean and empty as on the  
  previous day.  

The doctor asked what happened and the man 
  explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried 
  with my right hand, but nothing.  Then I tried 
  with my left hand, but still nothing.  

'Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with 
  her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.  
  She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
  then with her teeth out, still nothing.  

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door 
  and she tried too, first with both hands, then an 
  armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between 
  her knees, but still nothing.' 

The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'    
    
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get   the jar open.'