INLAND REVENUE AUDIT PADDY

The Inland Revenue decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the top auditor in the office.  The auditor is not surprised when Paddy show up with his solicitor.   The auditor says "Well, sir, you have an extravagent lifestyle and no fulltime employment, which you explain by saying that you win money by gambling.   I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable".   "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it", says Paddy.   "How about a demonstration?".   The auditor thinks for a moment and says "Okay, your on".   Paddy says "I'll bet you a £1000 that I can bite my own eye".   Thye auditor says "No way! It's a bet".   Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.   The auditor's jaw drops.   Paddy says "Now, I'll bet you £2000 that I can bite my other eye".   The auditor can see Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet.   Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.   The stunned auditor realises he has now lost £3000. with Paddy's solicitor as a witness.   "Would you like to go double or quits?" Paddy asks.   "I'll bet you £6000 that I can stand on one side of you desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and not a drop will land anywhere but in the bin"   The auditor is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees.   Paddy stand beside the desk, unzips his trousers and strains like hell.   But he can't make the stream reach the bin and almost all the urine lands on the auditors desk.   The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has turned a major loss into a big win.   But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.  "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.   "Not really" says the solicitor "This morning, when Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk, and that you would be happy about it.