It would be good, I think, if members would share some of their humorous memories, especially commands given to them by NCOs.
I remember a Sergeant, in one of the tank regiments, who was the Sergeant of Holding Troop at Carlisle in 1952; while I was being inspected on parade, he stood behind me and said, ' Does it hurt, does it hurt?' I replied, 'No sir.' He then said, ' Well it ought to, I'm standing on it, get your hair cut.' On another occasion he said, ' They have swindled you lad, they have sold you grey boot polish, get your boots clean.'
My first 24 hour guard duty was on Christmas Day; many lads were off on leave when the few left in Holding Troop paraded on the day before Christmas Day. The custom was for the troop Sergeant to give a verbal report to the Duty Officer with regard to the number of men on parade, how many were sick etc. When the above mentioned Sergeant made his report he called out in stentorian voice, words to this effect: ' 5 present, 20 sick, 15 absent without leave, 10 on leave and a very merry Christmas, sir.' The officer took it in good part.
The next day, Christmas Day, the 24 hour guarded was interesting to put it mildly. When the Duty Officer came to inspect the guard he arrived on a bicycle singing at the top of his voice a song which contained the words' The cow kicked Nelly in the belly.' (That's all I can recall.) He then fell off his bike in front of the guard which was standing to attention. As the day wore on, lunchtime arrived but no lunch was sent down from the cook house, after a long wait a Corporal was sent up to the cook house to ascertain the situation; he reported back that the Christmas dinner had all gone and some sandwiches would be sent down to the Guard Room. A Christmas to forget.
CHM34 (Colin Martin 22736158.)
I can recall RCM Humphries at the 67th Trg Regt Carlisle scream at a Trooper " If you move your F????ing silly head once more I will march to the guardoom so fast it will SET THE FIRE POINTS ON FIRE!!
ReplyDeleteWhat happy days
Graham
A couple stick in my mind, Catterick basic training QOH sergant said " did you use a mirror to shave" YES SARGENT!! " "well use a F....ing razor next time"
ReplyDeleteThe wop (SSM Wortorski) to Chico Crabbe A SQDN Detmold, "Your boots are dirty" Chico replied " I did not have any Polish sir"
Tidworth. Just before the Tercentenery Parade. Sgt Major Lewis?. What is that on your back son? Its an 'ump. Shall I tell you how to get rid of it? Shove a lemon up your ar$e and when the lemon comes down for a drink.....TIGHTEN YOUR F*****ING BELT UP!
ReplyDeleteTony are you sure it was Chico I thought it was another guy whos name I've forgotten ,But I remember the Wops reply,as he hit whoever it was with his crop and laughing ly said don't take the piss out of me
ReplyDeleteWhilst learning basic foot drill at JLR Bovington, I remember Sgt Norman "Daddy" Hales 1st Royal Dragoons yelling at us to "Swing those arms or I'll shove my pace stick up your arse and march you along like a lollipop!!" Happy days.
ReplyDeleteAs a 16 year-old-boy I did my 6 weeks basic training with an intake of National Serviceman at Catterick 1955 (eat your heart out JLR). Three things I never forgot - 2nd November, Army number and the difference between Left & Right! Yep, you guessed it. Drill Sgt was the worst, within an inch of my face he shouted; Your name isn't Whitworth it's Whit-nit! What's your name? "Whit-nit Sgt" I had to reply each time.
ReplyDeleteAnd what about that 'JAB'? All intakes (approx 100+) had to line up outside the Medical Orderly Room in alphabetical order (Whitworth last again!) Inside was this boiling kidney dish with just three needles in it and one very large 'veterinarian' type syringe. When it came to my turn the needle was so blunt it wouldn't go in and I've still got the scar on my arm to prove it! We were all ill in bed for about 3 days afterwards..... so what the hell was in that Jab?
Don't know if anybody remembers going to the firing ranges at Catterick but when we were there it was one of the windiest days on record. We were given 10 rounds of 303 tracer each and with the winds coming off the moor you could actually see the rounds take off into outer space! Not one of us came anywhere near the target, a complete waste of time but all good fun.
After passing-out it was home for Christmas and then to Carlisle & start all over again!
I will post a photo of my passing-out parade shortly.
Beds are to be made UP
ReplyDeleteAs LAID down
In STANDING orders!
SQMS Notce Board
All items noted as deffecient on the Sqn kit check are to be handed in by the 15th April for exchange!
Polish RSM having argument in the Mess.
You English think you know everything,but I tell you,I know damn all!
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Don
Polish Sgt att to 2 nd ADSQDN enter the sqdn mess late Sunday afternoon loked at the state and said " I am f++cking disgusting " our reply in chorus " we know that , Joe" he left in anger or was it disgust. another occasion at Mons ocs Aldershot RSM Tibby Britain on parade "why is that man wearing Gloves . it was a dark skined cadet from one of the commonwealth countries .
ReplyDeleteLads returning to Barford Camp, Barnard Castle, after our first 48 pass following passing out. All deeply depressed having to return to the tender mercies of 12th.R.L. N.C.O.s after overnight journey, arriving on the "Broomielaw Flyer" about 5.30 am. Just in time for morning Parade, in charge of Sgt.Bryan, "The Voice". We are all in s--t order as no time to smarten up before we're doubled onto the Square. Sgt.Bryan inspects us and expresses disgust at our general appearance. He stops in front of one unfortunate trooper and says in a loud voice, "What's that bulge in your overcoat pocket, lad"? "Sandwiches Sergeant ." In a VERY loud voice Sgt.shouts "F-----g A-------s! Sandwiches!!!! Let's all sit down on the Square and have a F-----g Tea Party !!!!!"
ReplyDeleteHere you are Colin ,and don't forget it ever again.!! Oh the cow kicked Nelly in the belly in the barn
ReplyDeletefirst line sung 3Xs And the doctor said it would do no harm.
Second verse the same as the first , A little bit louder, and a little bit worse.....
(repeat ad naseum ) if you want to upset the Wife try singing it all day long . frank
One dark night Catlow & I were on prowler Guard together at Wolfenbuttel. We were heavily armed with pick helves and 38s with the first 2 cylinders empty to make it more difficult to shoot the Orderly Officer on his rounds. To the rear of C Sqn. garages there were shrubs in tubs at intervals, and Catlow nudges me and says quietly "I can see Chris behind that next bush, we'll have a bit of fun". The in a loud voice "There's some silly bu----er behind that bush!" Out comes "Chris" the Orderly Officer, very sheepish. "Now then Sentry, that's not the way to make a challenge, is it?" "Oh I'm sorry sir, I didn' t know it were you Sir, I shoulda said ' Halt who goes there, Sir, I'll remember next time Sir.'
ReplyDeleteI don't believe it!.......
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1243614/Would-mind-standing-attention-Sergeant-majors-told-adopt-touchy-feely-approach.html
Peace my friends ! recruits no longer have to go through GMT,but are sent to Woodstock,to learn flower power,Hey sarge don't freek out now! like COOL MAN
ReplyDelete"would you mind standing to attention"!I don't believe it!!!!A soldier on the square in time turns right,left,or whatever way he is ordered without thinking about it.A gunner in the gunners seat,when given the order "traverse right"or whatever,does so without thinking why,and if he did,or asked"why"then his enemy would have got the first shots in!The Britsh Army always was well diciplined and turned out,lets keep it that way!But of course I may well be out of date,do they still "march" and "drill" on the Barrack Square?
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Don
In recent conversations with serving and lately serving soldiers they tell me that I would have a fit -no many fits - if I witnessed the standard of discipline(or should that be indicipline) exercised in the modern army. And again , just compare the standard of drill of the Guards on Trooping the Colour with that of our day.
ReplyDeletePaddy
A drill instructor's statement, not actually a command, which you may well remember from your service days has just popped into my head; ' When I say jump, you jump, and you don't come down till I tell you to.' Fifty-eight years later I still chuckle when I remember it.
ReplyDeleteall those little quips etc were all part and parcel of the drill pigs "patter " and the "copyright belonged to him his contempories would not use them,usually . it was all intended to amuse, I've been trying to remember a few of the ones I used, like bend yer knee shoulder high ! lift yer foot 18 "and drive it down 24. or "the next time you do something right will be the first time. others were unrepeatable frank
ReplyDeleteI thought that paddy and I put it down to being over critical.I don't foot drill looks the same without the
ReplyDeletelee enfield.
Bob
who is Lee Enfield ,is he a member? Frank
ReplyDeleteLee enfields are what replaced spears
ReplyDeletebob
No, Lee Enfields are what you run round the square with above your head!
ReplyDeleteThe Lee Enfield lasted a long time from Mark 1 onwards. My first introduction to it was as a Fifteen year old in the Local Defence Force in Ireland . The ones we used then were probably from WW1 given to us when the British Army left Ireland in 1920. We were still using them at least till Wolfenbuttle when I was on the Regt. Shooting team competing at Sennelager.
ReplyDeleteStan a fellow sufferer ? I spent 5 weeks basic training with the Lee Enfield at the high port,at the start of each drill period I was sent into "orbit",I learnt no drill off of the drill sgt. 4 years later I was sent as a link instructor, yeah he was still there.it was with great" plasur "that my recruits won every competition and I as a L/cpl led the passing out parade every time and he as a sgt brought up the rear.and he never recognised me.
ReplyDeleteisn't it significant that the word discipline means to Follow Frank
Paddy, re "The Lee Enfield lasted a long time from Mark 1 onwards"
ReplyDeleteFor the Royals, Lee Enfield was changed to FN en route Malaya 1960 - I remember the 'water-filled balloons' thrown aft for target practice off the Nevasa. In Singapore, both RN & RAF continued using Lee Enfields and Bren Guns well into 1964. in May 1962 we (the band) took part in minesweeping exercises off Borneo which included firing 'all the ships main weaponry'. This included Lee Enfields, Bren Guns, 40mm Bofor, twin 20mm Oerlikon and night firing by radar (5"). Not quite sure what all this had to do with minesweeping but at least none of the band got hurt! Except, of course, bandsman Riley with the Bren Gun, who was very lucky not to get thrown overboard for slicing through the tow rope and setting the target adrift! (valuable firing time lost while trying to retrieve sinking target)
So I confirm that the Lee Enfield was still going strong as far as May 1962, despite FN replacement.
Wonder if 'Bad Lads Army' series will ever make a come back?
'fellow sufferer'
Odd thing,but I put quite a long comment on here reference "Lee Enfields" - but it just disappeared,any ideas???????
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Don
Don I've had this problem many times ,I thought it might be verfaßungsschutz,or simular but then I realised I have to click onto "reply first.so perhaps an age thing. kind regardsfrom PB to DT.Frank
ReplyDeleteFrank,
ReplyDeleteNo,I had it actually on here,so it must either be the weather or "ghosts" in the system.Are you in the farming business,or just a gentleman farmer living on a bauernhaus.Best wishes from LIP to PB.
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Don
Don ,no given up to old to go out lambing in the middle of the cold night and such inhuman activitys
ReplyDeletepart of the house is a 400 year old timber frame building and it needed total renovation which is progressing ,we are constucting about 10.000,-M2 rhododendron park,the rest of the land is setaside farm land.so I (,that should of course read we ) have enough to do.we have just received a new batch of azalias but as you know we frost bound.but I'll tell you what they are called.GOLDEN EAGLE of course. keep warm I see you are expecting minus 12 dg tonight in DT. Frank
Thanks for that Frank,the wife and I went shopping yesterday,and at 0900hrs it was minus 14c,so no problems with the grunkohle!Had to go to my Doc as I had,as every year,Sinusitus,but this year it turned nasty and would'nt clear up,so I'm now on the mend.Can't remember the last time I went into the garden(except to top up the bird feeder)my rhododendrums in the front garden look like old men,or withered up,hope they survive!As for my Camelia?????
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Don
Yes Don we had a couple of deg warmer than you but there were still no Brass monkeys to be seen!as for Grunkohl I have this thing about it so long as I get the unheathy but delicious smoked sausage,my Frau can eat the curly kale.no I'm not an egoist,just knows what tastes better.as for you withered Rhodos.when the thaw comes lots of water,even if it is raining,and tread them in again it does somtimes happen but it sounds as it you have a Vole (wuhlmaus) problem,anyhow arn't you on clay soil there? Frank PS as for your Camelia I should think it s for the green bin
ReplyDeleteAs for humourous Army comment I can never remember what it was I said to the guy who dropped his pistol during pistol drill on the passing out parade at Herford.The Adjt did say I handled it very well??????And they passed out too!
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Don
Remember well the 3 guys who were travelling from Elsen (satellite Married Quarters) to Detmold. One or two were MT drivers. Their car was struck by a train on an unmanned railway crossing, and they were all killed. Typical squaddie humour (you have got to love or hate it). Circulating throughout the Regiment, was new Standing Orders for MT Drivers. In future they will carry railway timetables.
ReplyDeleteR. O.R . Notice Board
ReplyDeleteNext of KIN Will be handed in to R.O.R. ASAP.
"Willy " Williams MT Troop
ReplyDeleteGordon Blazier A Sqd
Tpr King B sqn I think 20 Oct 1967 2 of them were old friends RIP.
Tpr John King was in A Sqdn, he and I did are basic training and joined the regiment together. He was married in North London during basic training. John left a wife who was pregnant and a daughter. A solid chap you could depend on.
ReplyDelete"Don't talk back, you different-coloured bastard!" — said Staff Sergeant Williams from the "THE HILL" (1965) one of my favourite films!
ReplyDelete