Panzer Commander

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	History
Author:	Hans Von Luck

Fabulous read. An account of the war from the German perspective. This Officer ended the war as a full colonel. When in the western Desert he mentions the Royal Dragoons on many occassions. He shows a copy of the text of a letter from the CO of the Royal Dragoons addressed to him with regards to the chivalrous way in which this part of the conflict was conducted. Very enlightening.

The Dentist

The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke with the toothache an anaesthetic injection. “No way! No needles, I hate needles!” the guy said. So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas the man objects again. “I can't do the gas thing either." The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!” She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill. “No objection,” the patient says. “'I'm fine with pills.” When she returns she says, “Here's a Viagra and a glass of water.” The guy says, “Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!” “It doesn't” she said, "But it’ll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out."

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day on Sunday the 29th to Keith Fairey, hoping that you have a good day.

With best wishes,

John Atkins

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day to Mike Decarteret, for today although a little belated, hoping that you have had a good day.

With best wishes,

John Atkins

One day a man decided to retire...

One day a man decided to retire...

 

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

 

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island.

The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides

and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum

of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into

ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says.

So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat... Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,

"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

 

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,

"I'm going to slip into

something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor

made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing

but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias.

She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him,

"We've both been out here for many months.

You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a Golf Course?"

A new poem by Pam Ayres

Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits
By Pam Ayres

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.

Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,

And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits

'Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits

When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits!

Extraordinary story...............

Mr Onoja went on to have intercourse with four of his wives in succession, but 'stopped breathing' as the fifth was making her way to the bed in Ogbadibo

Warning: GRAPHIC CONTENT!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2178201/Uroko-Onoja-death-Husband-raped-death-5-wives-paying-attention-sixth.html

Rock Band!

WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12

    A man walks into a chemist shop with his 12-year old son.*
   
    They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What
    are these, Dad?

    To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms
    son. Men use*
    them to have safe sex."

    "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.*
   
    Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."*
    *
    He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why
    are there 3 in*
    this package?"

    The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday,
    one for Saturday,*
    and one for Sunday."

    "Cool" says the boy.*
    He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

    "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO For Friday, TWO
    for Saturday,*
    and TWO for Sunday."

    "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking Up
    a 12 pack.*
    With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,

    "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one
    for March......."**

           
 Husband says to wife,
 "My Olympic condoms have arrived.
 I think I'll go for Gold tonight."

 Wife says,
 "Why not wear Silver and
 come second for a change."

Subject: Fw: A Zebra dies and goes to heaven....

 

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates... As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?' St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.' So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?' God simply replied 'You are what you are.' The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?' The zebra looked puzzled.. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'' St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes..' The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?' 'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You be what you is..'

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day for Wednesday the 25th to Tim Connoll, hoping that you have a good one.

With best wishes,

John Atkins

Info

Please note that I will be AWOL until the end of the week, having a break.

John Atkins

INTERESTING WORDS

Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters?

Do you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still spells "race car"?

And that "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"?

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking free loaders and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-Butts with you."

How weird is that?

Charity money

I am sorry that I must inform all those that donated to the charity money at the reunion this year that I have had to cancel the cheque to the Vaughan Family, the reason that I have had to take this step is because Mrs Vaughan promised me that she would get in touch with the local paper and get it put in there to thank all the members that donated money so that I could post it on the site, I found out that she did get in touch with a reporter who went out to their home but instead of giving him the information that we had agreed she used the reporter for her own agenda, where she informed him that they needed £5000 for a sensory garden which was published in the paper, there was a line in that interview which said ( someone from 1st The Royal Dragoons gave them a cheque for £260), I phoned the reporter that did the interview to ask him if he knew why he was not informed of the presentation and the photo that was taken to be posted in the paper, the answer that he gave me was that he thought by what was said to him that he was there to discuss the sensory garden and the mention of the donation by us was an afterthought that was mentioned at the end of the interview, after my discussion with the reporter I decided that I would cancel the cheque which had not been cashed at the time and I hope that all the members that donated money will be happy for me to send it to the Mcmillan Nurses, to me Mrs Vaughan has let you all down and most of all she has let her husband down, I think you will all agree that all we ask for is to show us a little courtesy for our efforts.

John Atkins

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

Many happy returns of the day for tomorrow to Kenneth Buffery, hoping that you have a good one and many more to come.

With best wishes,

John Atkins

The passing of Cpl Digweed

I must sadly report that 7615563 Cpl Robert Sydney Herbert DIGWEED (93) who served with The Royal Dragoons from November 1939 to April 1946, died in a Care Home in Hampshire on Monday 16 July 2012.

 

Funeral arrangements to be announced later.

A funeral service for Robert Digweed will held at West Berkshire Crematorium, Thatcham, Berks RG19 4LD, on Wednesday 25th July at 14:15. His family would welcome any attendance by his colleagues or members of the Association

THE ROYAL DRAGOONS REGIMENTAL COLLECT

O God, in whose sight all creatures are manifest and to whose eyes all things are open, grant that the works Thou requirest of the 1st The Royal Dragoons may never be done to be seen of men, but always for Thy Glory, and that, waiting on Thee to renew our strength, we mount up with wings as eagles at Thy word, through Jesus Christ Our Lord.

(TOBIAS,1930)

Colin, the Aborigine

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and
flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of
stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'

'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'


'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?

Again, Colin said “No.”


Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?




Colin said,

'I want the bastard who pushed me in.'

Old boys beer

all are welcome, Adrian Gillard, Dave Howell, Totty Flude and Tony Bridgen all ex A Sqdn are meeting at the Fox Inn Matching Tye Essex 01279 731335 on Saturday 21st July for a quite beer and food. If any one wishes to join us you will be very welcome. We look forward to seeing you.

 

Short'n sweet & right to the point! Hope you enjoy it too!

This one is dedicated to all my friends who ever taught school, parented children or served their country.

A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started, he injured his back.

He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

The punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest…!!!!!

There was dead silence.

He had no trouble with discipline that year.

P9280029.AVI Life on board Intrepid.